Are you a mom that feels guilty about working? You’re not alone. According to a study, only 10% of mothers working full-time gave themselves the highest rating for their parenting. Working mom guilt can be horrible. So how do you cope?
When feeling overwhelmed, it’s important to stop thinking of what you’re missing out on and start thinking about what a great thing you’re doing for your kids by working. You are putting money in the bank and food on the table. You are paying for family vacations and violin lessons. It’s also a crucial tool to teach your kids.
It’s just as important for a parent to show what a healthy work life looks like as it is to make it to every soccer game. So use your work to set an example for your kids. Teaching responsibility, work ethic, and motivation can never come too early.
People work for many different reasons:
- The job and profession is enjoyable
- Providing for the family is necessary
- Being productive is gratifying
- Bills need to be paid
- Knowing your children would be unhappy and you’d be miserable as a stay-at-home mom
Write down your motivations in a list and tell yourself that you are doing what you need to do. Then, let the guilt go.
Trust yourself and your choices that you’ve made for your family, yet keep an open mind to the possibility that your personal job and family situation may change.
Guilt War Stories
All working moms have guilt stories… Forgetting to pick up your child from soccer practice; missing your child in the school play; even faking your way through a work meeting after staying up all night with your sick child. Guilt can feel inescapable for working moms.
“Damned if we do and damned if we don’t!”
According to psychologist Dana Dorfman, PhD,
“…a person without guilt is a sociopath. But the danger is that an overdose of guilt can be a complete waste of time and energy, especially if it traps you in a negative cycle of thoughts.”
As much as you hate it, guilt is what keeps you human.
“We get the message all the time that we’re supposed to be stay-at-home moms or, if we work, that we’re supposed to be amazing supermoms on top of our careers. Working moms feel torn. There are so many things to do, so many obligations. We walk around wondering…how do I do everything and do everything well?” — Nicole Else-Quest, PhD
Making Progress
It’s possible to break-free from these guilty feelings.
Decide if it’s real. Have you done something you’ve actually regretted? Are you feeling real guilt or referred guilt? It’s real guilt when you intentionally make a choice that is wrong. And it’s referred guilt if your guilt is coming from somewhere else. You’re doing the best you can, so if it’s referred guilt, accept that it’s coming from someone else and let it go.
Turn guilt into a positive. Have you missed your child’s dance recital because you were stuck at the office? Figure out how to do better and fix it for next time. Keep a calendar and mark family events as appointments on your work calendar to make sure there are no conflicts. You’re not going to witness every single minute of your child’s day as a working mom. It will be hard, but it’s okay to be sad about missing out on some of their special moments and the fun.
Forgive yourself. Life is all about choices. You will make bad choices. It’s okay — you’re human. There’s no reason to obsess over your mistake.
Set priorities. No choice comes guilt-free when you’re being pulled in different directions. When you’re working, you feel like your duties at home are being neglected, and when you’re with your family, there are feelings that you should be preparing for that upcoming meeting. Make time for self care: maybe schedule regular workout or time to read or meditate. It won’t hurt your child to be without you for an hour. Give yourself a certain amount of time to focus on you without worrying about any other obligations.
Seek and give help. Feeling a sense of togetherness with other working moms can help you recognize that you’re not struggling alone. Take turns helping each other out, whether it be via carpooling, babysitting, or shopping for one another.
Play Hooky
Another strategy for working moms to feel confident in their choice to work and yet connected with their family is to take a day off to spend with your child. Keep your whole day’s agenda empty. When you reconnect with your child and their daily routine, they will love the special time you’ve spent together with them. 
If you can’t take a personal day, try to pick your child up early to play for a few hours. Spend one weekend day together errand-free just being a Mom and kid. If your schedule is really busy and your child is at home sick with you, think of it as bonding time rather than a television marathon.
Challenges
All moms have challenges. It’s easy to admire the life you would have as a stay-at-home mom when you’re feeling that work-family conflict. However, the truth is that stay-at-home moms can have just as much stress as working moms, if not more.
So, enjoy your quiet commute to work or that cup of coffee at your desk all by yourself because as a stay-at-home mom, you might actually be lucky to go to the bathroom in private — but don’t count on it!
This information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
