Are you an empty nester? Do you have empty nest syndrome like this… Your oldest child is leaving home for their freshman year of college. Your husband is driving them the five hours it takes to get to the college from your house. Since you’ve already visited the university and you know it would be tough to keep your emotions inside – you don’t go. Instead, you cry. You cry in the shower and in bed at night so no one sees you. You cry so much that the puffiness around your eyes lasts for days.

Admit it. You’re emotional. You’ve shed tears at every kindergarten, elementary, and middle school graduation for all of your children. You’ve cried when your kids went to the school dance. You’ve cried when your oldest walked out the door to attend their last day of high school. You’ve even cried when Andy leaves for college at the end of Toy Story 3.

But nothing can prepare you for the moment when you have to give that final goodbye hug to your child in the driveway, heading off to their first year of college. As you hold them tight, you can truly understand for the first time exactly how your own mother must have felt when she wrapped her arms around you in the same situation.

Clearly, you’re not alone in your feelings.

In the column, “Saying Goodbye To My Child, The Youngster,” Michael Gerson wrote that dropping his eldest son off at college was the worst thing that time had done to him.

“With due respect to my son’s feelings, I have the worse of it. I know something he doesn’t — not quite a secret, but incomprehensible to the young. He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go. Put another way: He has a wonderful future in which my part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better without him close.”

You couldn’t agree more.

There are lots of things no one ever tells you about becoming a new parent. One thing nobody ever tells you about is how much breastfeeding hurts. Babies without teeth can still “bite!” Nobody tells you how you’ll be tired and sore longer than you expect. Is 4:00pm too early for bed? And there also are lots of things no one ever tells you about when your oldest child goes away to college.

The empty nest syndrome phase can be filled with many emotions.

The Shifting of Roles Can Be Confusing.

Should you text your child every day… once a week… or not at all? Should you buy them a train ticket to come home for a visit or wait until they ask? You go from knowing what they ate for dinner each night to not knowing whether they ate at all. Lots of people say, “Don’t worry… they will come home so much during the first year because they miss you so much.” WRONG!  The beginning of the school year to Thanksgiving break usually feels the longest.

When it comes to communication, it’s not easy for you to hold back and let your child make the first move. Is it too much to ask them for a few texts or calls a week?

The Absence of One Child is Hard On the Siblings.

Having a child go off to college changes the whole family dynamic. Not only does it impact you, but it impacts your spouse and your other children. Your kids have always been together so seeing the empty seat at the dinner table affects them just as much as it does to you. You can encourage them to talk or text regularly with their older sibling and join you for parent’s weekend so they can see their sibling’s new environment for themselves.

Time With Just the Family Really is Important — Especially During Your Child’s Last Year of High School.

Having a quiet dinner with just the family the night before your child leaves for college is a great idea. Cook their favorite foods. These kinds of evenings are about to become a very rare thing, and you’ll probably wish you would have done a lot more of them in the past. These don’t have to be 2 hour-long dinners, just as long as the whole family is included. The quiet time and time spent with your family are what your child will remember.  The good times!

Parenting is Not as Easy as It May Look.

You probably figured this one out a long time ago — parenting is not as easy as it looks! For instance, before you had your own children, you looked disapprovingly at other parents who constantly let their children watch TV. Then you found yourself a mother of children. Now you’re probably embarrassed to admit that you once plopped them all in front of the TV beside a big bowl of candy so you could finish a load of laundry or even a phone conversation. You’ve always had this fascinating image of the type of parent you wanted to be, but you’ve never quite lived up to it. In the months before your child left for college, you’ve thought often about what you wanted make sure to convey to them as a “perfect parent.” But in the end you could never say exactly what you wanted with the desired level of levelheadedness. Parenting is not as predictable or is nothing like you imagined it would be — including sending off your first child to college.

You always knew this phase would be hard. But you never knew it would be this hard. The range of emotions you feel will eventually shift away from grief and move more towards excitement over what’s to come. A chapter has ended but another one has just begun.

As Michael Gerson said in his column,

“Parenthood offers many lessons in patience and sacrifice. But ultimately, it is a lesson in humility. The very best thing about your life is a short stage in someone else’s story. And it is enough.”

And anyway, the 2 weeks of the upcoming winter break is plenty of time.  When your college freshman finally comes home to visit, more lifetime memories will be made for you and your family.

Newly empty nesters can follow these tips to help with this new chapter in their life:

• Volunteer – Volunteering will immerse you in a new community that includes friends and empty nesters. It will make you part of a community and helps you make new friends with fellow parents.

• Find A Hobby – Get involved in something that you have always wanted to do and have not had the time. Take advantage of your empty nest and take a class, learn a new hobby, or play a sport.

• Get A Job or Start A Business – Now you’ve got the chance to have a fresh start. You may even have the ambition to run your own business. Take the time to discover what passions live within you and pursue them!

• See the World – You’re not responsible for getting a kid to school at 8 a.m. five days a week anymore. Now is the time to explore the world. You have the freedom you haven’t had in years. Feel like seeing the pyramids? Go! Want to climb Mount Everest? Go! Live in Mexico for a month? Go! Have fun!

• Reacquaint Yourself with Romance – HELLO privacy! You should rejoice in your long-deserved break from acting like a parent and act like an adult! An empty nest means privacy. Whether you’re married or single, take the opportunity to reignite the spark in your relationship or get out there and find a love life worth living.

This information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Photo by B Rosen ; Photo by Aren’tYouAlex-Spencer? ; Photo by Muffet